Why did I hide it from myself

The first time with shane was magical.The best night I had in my life.It started out with us being at in and out meeting up with everyone there.I just remember sitting next to logan and seeing shane stand in front of me.David was no where in sight and I could really care less I wanted shane.I couldn't take it anymore.I got up and went inside only to have shane follow me and when I went into the first door to go to the restroom him coming up and pushing me up against the wall.We started making out right there.I stopped shane saying this is wrong and that we shouldn't be doing this.And he took me into the girls restroom locks the door and goes baby I don't give a shit I want you.I can't hide it anymore.I look down and saw him ready to go.He whispers to me saying I want you and it's going to be okay.Right there he pulls my pants down and my underwear down and looks up at me and saying it will be okay i will be gentle.Then I almost fell to my kmees as shane took me and brought all these amazing feelings into my body.It took every ounce of me to stop him because I was scared.He goes okay baby and I got dressed.He goes let's get out of here and be alone.So we got into the car and left to our friends house. She had lost her parents and had the house so we went into the room.We took our clothes off and just stood there.I turned to shane and said I want to make love to you and you to be my first.He turned to me saying you will be okay and my first.We crawled into the bed and both feeling so nervous.Shane got ontop of me and at first it was painful.Shane kept telling me are you okay baby.It was so amazing and lasted for so long.When we both hit the end we both looked at each other like wait what did we do.I turned to shane saying I want to sleep with you and we layed down again after all that love we made.Shane put his arms around me and we fell asleep in each others arms.It was the best fucking night of my life.One I will never forget.Only to find out a while later after it happened I was pregnant with dom just kept hiding deep down that shane really is dom's dad.Never wanted to admit that great night of passion.I love you my dreamer.We made two beautiful boys together baby.